Cunning Linguists Are We: Cunnilingus 101

Now, way before anyone starts to get down, I’m of the opinion that some negotiations should take place between all interested parties. Create a list of things you like, things you hate, things that trigger you, and have your lover do the same. Tell them how you like to be touched, or better yet, give a demonstration.  Doctoris O. Lectus wrote a fabulous post on mutual masturbation, which is an amazing way of learning about your lover’s body, what they like and how they like it, the pace and the pressure, the oh yeah and the just like that spots. It’s negotiation with the added bonus of a floor show.

1.) Taste and Smell.
Some say it’s acquired; me, I took to it like a paisan in a pasta buffet. (As an Italian-American who loves buffets, I can say this with impunity.) I love it; I’ve known some vaginas that have smelled like, I swear, a field of summer strawberries. But I know if you can’t get down with the down-there smell, ask them to shower first.

Also, a tip for receivers: coffee, red meat, excessive table salt, and cigarettes can make your juices more bitter and pungent. On the other hand, pineapple, mango, bananas, and other fruits make your juices sweeter, as do cucumbers and celery. Don’t forget your two to four servings a day!

2.) Hair.
I love pubic hair, on men and women and those in between. I love the texture, the way it feels in my fingers, against my cheeks, the smells… yummy. I am, of course, less enamored with getting stray hairs stuck in my teeth. I consider this just part of the package, but I know others who are more bothered by it. If it is a problem for you, exercise some tact when bringing it up. People are sensitive. This is where some negotiation before the act comes in handy. Accept the fact that it might be something you should just get used to.

3.) Mess.
Oral sex is like finger painting: if you’re clean at the end of it, you’re doing it wrong. Getting dirty is half the fun! This is not high tea with the Queen; it’s eating pussy. Wear the mess with pride, or wear a bib.

4.) Safety.
There are several infections that can be transferred via vaginal-oral contact: HIV, HPV, and herpes come to mind. And yet, I’ve encountered a lot of people who think cunnilingus carries no infection risk. NOT TRUE, YO. Therefore, if you’re with a new lover, or are in an open poly situation, or are just unsure of their status, use a dental dam. If you have no dental dam, use safety scissors (with rounded tips!) to cut the band off of a condom, and then cut it again lengthwise. Voila! DIY dental dams.

A further note on safety: if you or your lover are prone to yeast infections, or they’re on antibiotics, it’s best to use a dental dam. A little latex now prevents a week of “Don’t touch me” later on.

5.) Direction.
A thousand blessings on the lovers that give you direction. Encouragement is inspiration, remember. But it’s an unfortunate fact that not everyone likes to speak up. Inexperience, shame, shyness, dissociation, misplaced modesty; there’s any number of reasons why someone might not be making noise. Don’t give up! There’s other signs you can pay attention to: gasps, shivers, moans, movement, flushes, increased wetness, engorged flesh. It’s also a good idea to check in every so often, just a quick, “Is this okay?” or “How does this feel?”

Now, a quick anatomy lesson:
The vulva refers to the whole outer genitalia: clit, labia, urethra, and vagina, etc. The mons is the rounded fleshy area above the labia, below your belly. The labia majora are the two outer lips, and the labia minora are the smaller, more delicate lips inside. The clitoral hood, at the junction of the labia minora, is a small covering of flesh that encapsulates the crown jewel of the nervous system, the clit. The perineum is the flesh between the vagina and the anus. The vagina is the actual orifice, and the anus is, well, your poop chute.

Okay, down to some technique. First, foreplay! Having someone attack your cunt when you’re not aroused can suck (pun not intended). So light some candles, put on some Barry Manilow, give your lover a sensual massage, get out the leather cuffs and manacles, suspend them, flog their gorgeous ass, attach some nipple clamps, whatever gets ‘em hot and bothered and ready for more.

What about position? The easiest is for the receiver to lie on their back, legs spread; easy and relaxed. Or the receiver can stand, and you can kneel before the, ahem, altar (this one is great in the shower). A personal favorite is to have a lover sit on my face; there’s an inherent power exchange, and the view is fucking killer. And then, oh joy of joys, there’s 69: truly the apotheosis of human ingenuity. The Hoover Dam has nothing on it.

Sex Pistil had some great advice on his post that applies just as well here; that is, be fucking fearless. There seems to be an excess of mysterious bullshit about cunnilingus, people acting like the clit is harder to find than the Fountain of Youth. Whatever! Like all things, becoming good at cunnilingus takes some practice. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t give your partner a screaming orgasm the first time you try this; the point here is their pleasure, not your ego. Move on to other activities. Secondly, oral sex is not a race for time. This is not 24. A major pet peeve of mine is when people think of cunnilingus as just a prelude to greater things — greater things usually meaning penetrative sex. No. Just no.

Now, let’s get to the fun part. There are so many things your mouth can do to your lover’s cunt: lick, lap, roll, flick, wriggle, probe, caress, nibble, suck. Exercise your imagination. Practice on a lollipop!  Really, the possibilities are endless. Use your tongue to penetrate them. Pull back every so often to blow a stream of cold air onto their cunt. Nibble their labia. Draw circles around their clit, suck on it, flick your tongue across it, hum into it. Get creative and mix it up; check in with your lover to see if something is working for them.

But hey, the mouth isn’t everything in oral sex; the name is entirely misleading. There’s the rest of your face as well. Use your nose and chin to put on some pressure. Use your voice: all sound is vibration, and certain tones against my clit have had me singing my lover’s praises. And don’t forget your hands. Put them to work! If you’re not using them to hold their pussy’s lips apart, touch your lover wherever you can reach: legs, feet, stomach, hips, chest/breasts, mouth. Massage their labia and perineum. If they like being penetrated while being eaten out (not all do!), go to town on their g-spot. If they like anal play, grab some lube and go for it. (Just don’t put that finger in their pussy afterwards, okay? That kind of bacteria doesn’t make for a happy vag.)

How have we gotten this far without talking about toys and accessories? One of the best things about oral sex is that there’s just much potential for creativity. You can incorporate almost anything into it: ice cubes, flavored lube, vibrators, butt plugs, didoes, anal beads. Include oral sex during sensate play. Let your inner bitch out and tease them mercilessly. They will thank you for it, just as soon as they’re coherent again.

Bon apetit!