A Guide to Female Ejaculation
from the Female & Male Perspectives
Brought to you, in collaboration, by Bella & Choku Ray
She Says:
For best results, read through this at least once prior to embarking on your ejaculatory journey.
Hope it helps, and feel free to ask questions if you have ‘em!
Terminology:
For our purposes, the Skene’s gland, female prostate, and G-spot will be used interchangeably. Ejaculatory orgasms, squirting orgasms, G-spot orgasms, squirting, and female ejaculation will be used to describe the process of orgasm originating from the Skene’s gland and expelled through the urethra at the instance of orgasm.
Environment:
The place(s) that we choose to be intimate might not seem like such a big deal as time goes on and we accumulate sexual experience, knowledge, and (dare I say) skill. When we’re learning a new technique, like how to squirt, however, it becomes right up there at the top of the list. I generally recommend that you find a place where you can pamper yourself. Whether it’s music, a yummy-smelling candle, incense, or taking a bubble bath first, do whatever you can think of to relax and feel beautiful. Don’t underestimate how important this step is…
I also recommend that you find a place to do this exploring / learning / practicing / achieving behind a closed door. Even if you live alone, the living room floor probably isn’t going to be your best friend when first learning to squirt. There seems to be a consensus among those who experience female ejaculation that it’s an activity which can make you feel vulnerable down to the core of your soul, and having a closed door (a physical expression mirroring a mental/emotional boundary) for privacy seems to allow the self-expression to flow much, much better.
Know that you’re going to want to choose a space where you can lie comfortably on your back, legs wide (though at some point you might want to pull them close to your chest, holding from just under your knees) and that having the room a little bit cool generally helps, but keep blankets nearby and allow yourself to use them, liberally, to stay warm. In addition, you’re going to want to give yourself whatever you need to feel safe… and for most of us that means that you embark on your first few endeavors solo.
If you have the luxury of a partner in which you can explore this uncharted territory, your best bet is lying on your back on a massage table (set at standing-height), with him or her standing near your hips. Make sure that your partner is facing you, and you’re able to make and maintain eye-contact throughout your explorations!
Relaxation:
The biggie here is that you need to have a talk with yourself. In my mind (and experience), it goes something like this:
Hey, body. So… I’m about to jump into this whole new realm of sexuality with you. And it’s a little bit scary. But I won’t jump ship if you don’t. I’m taking us here for a reason. It’s important to me. Let’s pursue this together, wholeheartedly, like a meditation practice or a gym work out. No worries if we don’t get there the first time or the second time or… well, no worries at all! Oh yeah, and if I pee instead of squirt in the beginning, I promise not to freak out, body. I promise. I’ll get to ejaculating eventually. And I’m just here to enjoy the process with you.
I know it sounds cheesy, and it is, so if you can find a way to level with yourself, dedicate yourself to the process, and be okay with peeing (if it happens) without such a speech, kudos to you! That said, lying on towels or a massage table (these don’t absorb moisture and clean up / sterilize easy), or old sheets that you don’t care about are also a good step to take in the relaxation-department. If you’re still freaking out, jump in an empty bathtub. Bonus points if you have a comfy bath pillow to lean against.
We can talk about more expensive waterproofing solutions once you’re a dedicated, devoted and happy squirter. I’m more than willing to offer recommendations across a variety of price ranges. Leave me a comment, or shoot me your questions through the contact forms here on the site!
Breathing:
In the heat of the moment, and especially when nerves abound, lots of us forget to breathe. It’s all too easy to underestimate the power of the breath (and of your breathing technique) in your squirting journey. Learn it. Practice it again and again (even when you’re not in “squirting-mode”). Make it your best friend.
Most of us know the difference between shallow chest breathing (in the diaphragm area) and deep breathing (where the breath travels down to the belly, and it actually rises and falls as we inhale and exhale). Few of us have perfected lower belly breathing, which is exactly what you want to do if squirting is on your agenda. The easiest way to do this? Create a body-memory. Place your non-dominant hand on your lower belly, below your navel, just above the pubic bone. (Non-dominant ’cause if you’re embarking solo, you’re going to want to dedicate your dominant hand to caressing your G-spot. Make sense? Good.)
Now that your hand is there, take a slow, deep breath. If you haven’t tried this before, it’s likely that your first few breaths won’t make your hand rise or fall. That’s fine. Keep practicing. For some, it helps if you visualize sending your breath to your lower abdomen, right above the pelvis. Closing your eyes may make this a more enjoyable and meditative practice. Once you get your breath that low, take note of what it feels like in your body… And send more breaths there. Repetition, repetition, repetition!
Again, if you practice this ahead of time, when you’re primed and in “squirting-mode,” this will be one less thing to worry about which will make your whole experience smoother and more effortless.
Finding the G-spot:
The G-spot is located on the anterior wall of the vaginal canal (towards the ceiling if you’re on your back). Most women will find theirs about one to three inches from the opening of the vagina, and the easiest way to find it is to use a finger because that will give you the most direct experience of the texture of your inner walls (if you have long nails, it’s a good idea to wear latex or nitrile gloves so you don’t scratch yourself accidentally). Plan to use Grapeseed oil, or silicone or water-based lube. The wetter, the better… to a point. The G-spot itself is textured differently than the rest of your pussy. It’s ribbed or ridged, depending on how you want to describe it, and though it may prove elusive at first, once you find it, it’s pretty much unmistakable.
Be patient with yourself at this step because in order to activate the G-spot, you certainly need to locate it first. Take your time, as if you are going on a leisurely walk through the park. Stop to feel yourself up frequently. Don’t be shy! Attempt approaching from different angles, and applying differing amounts of pressure.
For a further anatomy lesson (and a bit on the male prostate, too), see: Aneros: Prince of the Female G-spot.
Assuming you’ve successfully found your G-spot, now is the time to get up and pee, so that you’re not freaked out about that as much later. If you’re worried that you might lose your G-spot in the meantime, then it’s probably a better thing to pee before you lie down the next time around.
Getting it Revved-Up:
You can use your ring and middle fingers to stroke the G-spot in the famous “come hither” motion to get it warmed-up. For some of you, this will be enough to get you hot & bothered, and ready for your first ejaculatory orgasm. If you’re sticking with the au naturale method of using manual stimulation (aka your fingers), it’s probably a good idea to get a rhythm going and build up some speed and pressure.
Alternately, if you’ve become comfortable and proficient locating your G-spot, you may want to grab a G-spot dildo to help you with this process (Need a handful of reasons why to try toys? Less wrist strain meaning greater overall comfort, ability to apply more pressure, more staying power. All great things, right?). I like something long and firm that is easy to hold and thrust with. You can even use a standard, non-G-spot dildo for this purpose; just make sure that you aim your strokes inward and upward if your dildo isn’t curved to take care of that part for you. Some women are more successful when they add in clitoral stimulation from a vibrator, too. Don’t be afraid to try it! (Friendly reminder: If you choose to go the toy-route, make sure your lubricant is compatible with the material of your toy.)
Experiment to find what works best for you! Allow your experience to be erotic and lighthearted; keep your exploration fun and intimate. Love on yourself! There are not really any hard-and-fast rules for what’s right and what’s wrong here, and every body varies, so your mileage will vary, too. Keep that in mind, and play on!
How You Know You’re Ready:
Remember that lower belly breathing we were talking about? In a nutshell, that’s how you know you’re ready to squirt. When you take a slow, deep breath and the hand on your lower belly rises and falls, breathing will make your G-spot inflate like a balloon if you are indeed ready to squirt (meaning that the Skene’s gland has filled with ejaculatory fluid and blood from arousal). You’ll be able to feel it with your fingers. Pretty neat, huh? I love that. When it inflates with your breath, you know that you’re ready and ripe for squirting.
Not inflating when you send your breath low? Try stimulating your G-spot more, tossing in a bit of clit stimulation (’cause you can really never go wrong there and some of us need the combination to have ejaculatory orgasms), make sure that you’re hydrated, comfy, and feeling safe.
Letting Go:
When you’re all pumped up and your G-spot is, too, how do you soak the sheets? I know it sounds crazy, but it’s back to breathing, baby. Keep sending your breath into your lower belly, and with consistent G-spot stimulation (some women like to slow it down at this point, fyi), your breath will naturally push the ejaculate out of your body as you orgasm. Most women report that squirting yields a much, much deeper release. It’s common to feel euphoric, giddy, and even to have an emotional release like crying or shaking during the moments of female ejaculation, and even during the aftershocks, too. Be gentle with yourself.
All fired up, but no-go? Recommit to not freaking out if you pee. See if that helps. Play with other erogenous zones like your breasts or clit, and take some of the attention (read: pressure) off of your G-spot and yourself. When you’re less anxious, antsy and/or impatient, go back to it.
Aftercare:
For aftercare, the most important thing is self-acceptance. Take in with open arms whatever emotional/spiritual repercussions you experience on your journey to squirting. Know that there is no normal, and you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone else. You might trickle or gush before you start having G-spot orgasms that look like a fountain or stream. A lot of this is believed to do with the strength of your PC muscles (aka Kegels) and exercising those muscles with devices intended for that purpose, squeezing & releasing your Kegels multiple times in multiple reps daily, as well as practicing ejaculatory orgasms will all build muscle strength and make squirting easier (and oftentimes, more powerful) for you in the future.
Depending on how much fluid you lose when you squirt (fluid that is filled with electrolytes), you may feel lightheaded if you get up immediately afterwards. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep water by your bed (or massage table or bathtub or what-have-you) and drink up after you cum! It’s also a good idea to scoot out of the area of the wet spot, and cover up with a warm blanket or robe because body temperature usually drops after such an intense release. Some people like to replenish with sugary sports drinks, but I prefer regular water with electrolytes added. If you still feel woozy, eat a banana. Raw pumpkin seeds are also incredible for helping to replace the nutrients your body loses when you ejaculate.
Go slow and steady, and don’t try to set any records in your first few rounds. The body needs time to adjust to the process of ejaculatory orgasms and there’s a bit of learning-curve where recovery is concerned. Obviously, if you feel unwell, no matter how tempting it is to continue, you should stop squirting. It is possible to go into catatonia from losing too much fluid (and electrolytes) too quickly, due to G-spot orgasms and the shock to the system. That said, if you pace yourself, and pay attention to your body’s reactions, you should be just fine.
Happy squirting, Lovelies!
He Says:
There are only three steps to finally being able to ejaculate. Next week: how to pee standing up.
1.) Get into a comfortable, sexy space (mentally and physically)
2.) Relax and breathe
3.) Activate the Skene’s gland
First things first… Though it might sound like New Age bullshit, your environment plays a huge role in your adventures with your own sexuality.
Remember how easy it is for a girl to get off in the shower, or the bed, or wherever you get off when no one is looking. Mostly this comes from the fact that you can fully express yourself and are comfortable in the company of the fingers and shower heads and various toys of someone you love…
Notice what’s not there in such instances… mostly pressure and expectations (a large man literally breathing down your neck, “How’s that feel, baby?” and telling you to come for him). You are free to get your fix, and get onto what is important (i.e. raising the kids, dressing the hair, making authentic era specific pirate ships out of bottle caps). Comfort is the key in sex. The next one is Tension.
Tension is a scary proposition. It makes people uncomfortable (practically due to its definition), and especially in these weird times. It’s necessary; it’s what made Guns N’ Roses sell out stadiums, it’s what takes everyone’s breath away at the movies, and makes you say, “That boy over there… I have a couple ideas for him.” A powerful device, tension inspires great sex and domestic violence, depending on the personalities and prescriptions involved.
In a nutshell, you need to be tense and comfortable in order to cum in a manner in which you either: 1.) Experience a higher level of consciousness; 2.) End up in a puddle of babbling incoherent woman; 3.) Some ineffable combination of the two. And they say women are complicated. HA! All girls want is to meet a guy who scares them enough that they get turned on and has a bunch of naughty plans for them, none of which include restraining orders, shallow graves or experience points. A quest to be dangerously comfortable… or comfortably dangerous, if you prefer.
If you do not have Hannah Montana in the iPod, you’re in the right place; you already knew that though. You came to sip from the Pierian Spring, to learn how to come. You came here to come didn’t you? Wrong. Female ejaculation is not come. It’s a potion made of rainbows, unconditional love and unicorn tears. Google it.
Learning to breathe, learning to fly… Ancients passed their esoteric knowledge to the power elite, old Asian men and conscious Caucasians wearing comfortable clothing. I guess I am one of those. Quick glance of their teachings–breathing is important. Really Important. You are doing it wrong. This comes from the teaching of Taoists, Buddhists and Hindoos (aka Hindus), which come from China and India. Maybe there is a reason why China and India have such large populations.
Most people don’t breathe deep enough. Taoists and Hindoos might tell you to breathe into your ovaries. I would tell you to put your hand on the space just below your navel, and breathe into your hand. Breathing is not a hard practice. Breathe deep and into your nether regions… Relax, and put your foot on the water wheel. Let the air come into your abdomen, and relax.
Now for the mechanics of female ejaculation.
But first, a history lesson…
There once was a man named Dr. Skene. He devoted his life to studying vaginas. To this day there is not a figure in the world casting as big a shadow, in terms of women’s liberation. His discovery, the Skene’s gland(s) aka the female prostate aka “the Juicer” is going to show you a good time if you treat it right. (Don’t worry; you don’t have to buy it dinner.)
Now, just for fun and to spite that rascal Dr. Skene, let’s accomplish what it took him years to do in mere seconds, from the safety of our own home, car, office cubicle, or taco truck. If you are a scared little girl, and don’t want to get the sheets wet, practice in the bathtub. If you are an enterprising woman, practice live on webcam in front of Japanese businessmen.
Take a finger, preferably the pointer, and point it. Now, put it in your vagina. Come on. All the cool kids are doing it. Point it up towards the sky, while it is inside of you. Then, pull it against your front vaginal wall. Explore with a soft scrape. About 1 inch above the opening, on the inside of you, there it is. The magical Skene’s gland. If you are having trouble finding it, you are on the other side; it’s on the side closest to your navel. If you are having trouble finding your vagina, you are a man, and squirting (along with a few other things) is a lot less complicated for you.
Once you have found the gland, you are in the neighborhood. Now, let’s party. Make the devil horns / “I love you” in Sign Language (Helen Keller, what is that about?) and turn it up-side down. The horns go on either side of your vagina, the two fingers in the middle are going to get wet. Hook them onto the Skene’s gland and pull them towards the top of your vagina in a come hither type of motion. Do this rhythmically; do it slowly; do it in a way that makes you smile and think nice thoughts. As you are doing this, breathe. You should probably breathe during the whole process, come to think of it. Always deep and into your abdomen. What you are doing now is priming or activating the Juicer. When the Juicer gets excited, everything gets soaked.
After you have activated the gland for a few moments, make devil sign into a cup, as if you were cupping your entire vagina. Change the angle, raising your wrist for speed and power. Beat down on that thing like it’s a corner girl who owes pimp money. If you have succeeded, congratulations, use these new-found powers for good. If you did not, congratulations; you just started on your path towards being a human supersoaker; relax, and try again. Squirting is not easy to control and makes huge messes, and if you ever get it to do what you want, you will beam with pride and accomplishment.
Don’t go after squirting like you would a job, this is just a comfortable process to explore your sexuality. If you soak the sheets, you soak the sheets. If not, you pleased someone you love (like yourself!), and got closer to having mind-melting, explosive orgasms.
-Choku Ray
a. eve
Pansexual sensate aesthete. Proponent of resources and eduction to help us each live our best lives. Kinky, quirky, sex-obsessed, sex toy-obsessed, sexpos critical theory slut with a passion for writing & def an acquired taste. Interests: The loveliness of everything being lovely. Wearing stars in the night sky. Buddhism. Critical Theory. Embodiment. Authentic Connection. Preparing happy, humming food. Baking bread from scratch. Thunderstorms. Storytelling. Sharing. Old typewriters. Dangly earrings.
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17 Responses to The COME HITHER QUIVER -or- How To Squirt
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omg i am still laughing so hard at this. you guys have done an absolutely FAB job explaining this and in a supportive and VERY humour way. i loved it. personally i have only squirted twice. it's one of the nicest things i have EVER experienced. i am going to post this blog and post at my place for others to read.
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Hee. You're making me smile. I'm so glad to hear that you got something good out of this! Thanks so much for sharing the link. I'll have to come visit your site & do some reading of my own.
Love,
Bella xxo
[...] The COME HITHER QUIVER -or- How To Squirt [...]
I love this piece honey, it made me chuckle! And so true. Where was this when I embarked on my own squirting journey.
Love you sweets! And trust me the practise, practise, practise thing is happening a lot! ;)
Love and huggles
xx
Love you, Damned!!!! It made me giggle, too. It was a definite adventure to write, & I'm so glad to hear you're getting all that good practice in! ^_^
Kisses. xxx
My recent post The COME HITHER QUIVER -or- How To Squirt
I wanted to add here in the comment fields that if you're having trouble finding your G-spot, or your lover's, or getting to the point of squirting, it may help TONS to put a pillow or two under your (or her) hips. Raising the angle of the hips can make it oh-so-much easier. Sometimes, women also have great success holding their legs to their chest because of the way that it opens everything up, so to speak. (This part is a lot easier to do if a partner is stimulating you, however, and a bit tricky for beginners.)
Another thing to add your practice sessions? If you find that you squirt a lot, you may want to make a conscious effort to tilt your hips downward after you begin ejaculating. Otherwise, you may squirt all over your face! That's totally fine, of course, but it squeeks some people. Such a shame that most girls aren't taught to "aim" when we're younger… Teehee.
Practice, practice, practice & find what you love!
My recent post The COME HITHER QUIVER -or- How To Squirt
I love this shit… I am going to make my girl squirt tonight!
Woohoo! Let us know if you two run into any questions!!
My recent post The COME HITHER QUIVER -or- How To Squirt
Bella! Nice job on the super comprehensive blog with all of the amazing details about female ejaculation. This topic comes up over and over and over and I will definitely point my customers and fans to this blog. I am going to share it with my fans right now, too. Thank you for taking the time to write such a generous and thoughtful piece about this controversial topic.
Thank you so much, Chrystal. You have me blushing. That's quite a compliment coming from you, lovely. I appreciate your feedback immensely. I hope that this guide can help people out with a facet of sexuality that has deepened my appreciation and awe of the human body and what we can achieve through intimacy. I also want to say that it was fun collaborating with a male on this. Nice to get some insight (and humor) from the men-folk on such a subject. Big hugs!
With love,
Bella xxo
My recent post The COME HITHER QUIVER -or- How To Squirt